It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
