Texts From Last Night

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I smell stomach acid.

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  (304): I smell stomach acid. http://tfl.nu/n8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (810) Bad night (2890)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  The responsible thing...show them the break room.

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  (314): I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do? (505): The responsible thing...show them the break room. http://tfl.nu/55u1
  Replies (25) Good night (4171) Bad night (943)
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  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

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  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (14292) Bad night (1101)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?

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  (260): i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really? http://tfl.nu/3wbc
  Replies (22) Good night (720) Bad night (5834)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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  (512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood' http://tfl.nu/xp6j
  Replies (14) Good night (2012) Bad night (7008)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.

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  (248): Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her. http://tfl.nu/h3i8
  Replies (8) Good night (2585) Bad night (970)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.

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  (708): Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity. http://tfl.nu/m9p5
  Replies (53) Good night (1653) Bad night (7856)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.

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  (407): Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine. http://tfl.nu/l8j9
  Replies (19) Good night (1344) Bad night (2835)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just googled if crying burns calories

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  (416): I just googled if crying burns calories http://tfl.nu/qfsf
  Replies (14) Good night (1049) Bad night (3443)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.

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  (520): if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am. http://tfl.nu/txlr
  Replies (4) Good night (2017) Bad night (1356)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

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  (319): You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar. http://tfl.nu/ei6k
  Replies (2) Good night (1468) Bad night (833)
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  (716): View more from New York

  When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."

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  (716): When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex." http://tfl.nu/1pf1
  Replies (20) Good night (2745) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!

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  (253): When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?! http://tfl.nu/f0hc
  Replies (12) Good night (575) Bad night (1643)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".

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  (305): My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment". http://tfl.nu/9ut4
  Replies (6) Good night (895) Bad night (233)
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  (714): View more from California

  Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?

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  (714): Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself? http://tfl.nu/qmio
  Replies (0) Good night (369) Bad night (178)

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