The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...