i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass