Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up