So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What's dad's email?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine