Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.