like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
