I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
