do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
