I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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