i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
