first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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