Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
