I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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