He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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