I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
