im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
