I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
