i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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