Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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