This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this beer tastes like vomit already
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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