After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
