So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
