u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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