No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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