I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
