Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
