Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
