she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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