ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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