Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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