even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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