i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
