So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
