Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
