Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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