So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
