T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
