The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
