as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
