Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
