Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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