So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i think my cat just said my name.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
