I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
