I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
