I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
