You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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