You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
