Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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