im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
