I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
