Im at strip club and am horny
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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