toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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