I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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