I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
