i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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