Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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