She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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