My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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