i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
