when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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