and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
