If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
