Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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