I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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