I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
