So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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