i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
