ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
