just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
