I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
