no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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