I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize