my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
