I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
