I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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