Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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