are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
