I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
