So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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