put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im about as happy as oj after his trial
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
