how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
